Oh BLOG how I miss thee....

I promise I will update you sometime soon. Between Faceb**k, Twitt*r and multiple other chat boards, I'm so sorry you come in last. Its just that pretty much everyone who reads you can read those other places as well. I do need to get new pics up though either here or the photoblog (which I've also neglected).

Spring Break! Here and Gone!!

Too bad I was too lazy, worn out and broke to do much with the kids this past week! And it was cold till about Thursday. Poor kids only got two days with sunshine. But anywho...

Last weekend I had Saturday night off work which almost NEVER happens, so I went to a concert with my sisters. I'm not sure if I'm up to admitting who it was though, LOL. Wanna take any guesses for fun?? It was so fun to just go out, be a little crazy and hang with my sisters. We haven't been out ALL together for something FUN in a LONG time!!

Then the next morning I got up early and headed to an all day seminar for Nature Photography given by a really neat and pretty renouwn couple in the photography business. It was really informative, a TON of information to process. The things that cracked me up though were the casual way they'd throw in little tips of shooting in the Galapagos Islands or Africa. You know, cause I get there all the time for nature shots. But at least I know what $1,000+ (some as much as $7,000)lenses, tripods and other equipment I might need.

We didn't do anything big and fantastic over DD's break from school, which I feel a little bad about, but summer break will be here soon anyway right? We did make it down to see my sister & brother in law who just had a baby last Thursday. I took about 300 pictures that I have yet to sort and process and upload somewhere for her to see. Maybe I will post some on my Photoblog when I get done.

So here I am back at work this weekend, working an extra night (Easter) which kinda sucks, but I'll get an extra day off next weekend and get another Saturday off!! Rock on! I'm kinda liking this every other weekend of three in a row, than just one shift the next week. I've been trying to see if there's a way to do this every month. Gotta run, work calls!

Where to begin....?

Well, its likely that most people who read my blog (the one or two of you) already know about Mike, but just in case you don't I will fill you in. Shortly after my last post it was determined that Mike's cancer was too far gone for the stem cell transplant and they planned to send him home on hospice Friday March 6th. God had other plans however, and he suddenly passed away on Thursday the 5th. My sisters and I tried to get down to Ohio to see him, but did not make it in time, but were still very thankful we went. The funeral was the following weekend (just this past weekend) so the next week was spent making funeral arrangements and spending hours on sorting, scanning, printing, and arranging pictures for the many picture boards we did. It was actually quite therapeutic and actually left me feeling good to spend that time with my family. We were able to laugh & cry (and drink wine) together. I think Mike was up there smiling down on us. I was at my parents house everyday that week and then the "visitation" was on Friday and funeral on Saturday. Thankfully DH was able to take time off work. His boss was fantastic and overly gracious about everything which was very nice. Those 8 days went by in a blur and I barely saw my kids. Its just good to be back on a regular schedule this week.

I have however been thinking about all my time on the computer and the time that I am not with my kids. I have 3 boards that I post on regularly (Birth boards and a local parenting board), Facebook and my blog (two blogs technically). I cannot shake the overwhelming fear that someday I will loose one of my own children early to some catastrophe (or cancer). I think of all the time now when I tell them "just a minute" so I can read one more blog, or check facebook one more time or reply to one more post. I spend A LOT of time on the computer each day when I should be cherishing my own kids. SO....just when I felt like I was maybe getting in a blogging grove a month ago, I might fall out of it. I'm not sure. I just know I want to walk away from the computer more to read more books and play more games with my kids. Cause quite frankly I just don't know how long God will leave them here.

My heart hurts....

Its just so heavy right now and I feel like I'm loosing hope in anything and everything these days. There is just so much going on in my life and at work, my head in is a whirlwind.

As I've posted about before, my step-brother Mike is awaiting final word on Monday as to whether he will go through with a stem cell transplant that was planned for the beginning of March. This next week he is scheduled to get plasma apheresis (kind of like dialysis) everyday to harvest his own cells that would be treated with a bit of chemo and then given back to him. However, he has had more symptoms and evidence that the chemo he has been recieving (even the SUPER high doses) have not been working enough to make the stem cell transplant possible or a viable option. If this is true...well....I don't want to even go there, but there are very limited to no options left. I'm sick thinking about it. I want so badly to feel hopeful and optimistic, and I try, but I'm just so afraid. I feel like I'm on the verge of loosing my mind.

THEN...yesterday (Saturday) afternoon I went to pick up the kids from the babysitter and she had just gotten a phone call as I walked in the door. I could immediately tell it was NOT good news and could tell she was talking to Marni, the mom of two other little kids that she watches in her home daycare. We overlap times a bit with this family and in fact they, or rather the husband Josh had called me about a year ago to check refereces for the sitter. He was usually the one to pick up and drop off the young boys (ages 2 and 1). Well yesterday morning he suddenly died. DIED!! He had a history of cancer that he was still recieving some treatments for, but was totally functional, working, and otherwise quite healthy. I don't know any of the details, but I cannot stop thinking about it. It is awful, and I feel so bad for the poor little kids who were so well cared for and loved by their daddy. And for my sitter....I left her sobbing, and then her son started sobbing. If you could pray for Marni, Gabe and Jacob and their family/friends, I know they could use it.

So anyway, I'm just so sick of cancer, and people dying right now, I can't take anymore!! In a few days its the anniversary of my friend Sue's death ( and I've been thinking a lot about her lately too. So thats my depressing sad post for today. Virtual hugs will be gladly accepted ;).

Free food and some fun....

I'm just going to start off complaining because I have had a horrible headache all day thats only getting worse and worse. Ugh. I think its muscle/tension related, which is not new for me, but I've been lucky to NOT have major issues for many months now. All day I've been thinking "Oh it must be because I haven't had any or enough caffeine yet" or "maybe I need to eat something". However, despite my indulgences in M. Dew and plenty of food...the headache persists. Its a good thing I have a few good things to snack on though right!

That makes a nice transition into my next "topic" about the WONDERFUL prize (I freaking WON a prize) during the fun filled Carnival Week of Bloggy Givaways. Click the link to get the info on the next one. I seriously never win anything and of handful of giveaways that I entered I think I got the one I most hoped to win!! It was a big box of 100 calorie Little Debbie snacks from Mel at "A Box of Chocolates". Well...it just arrived yesterday. I was gone all day so I didn't get it till last night, so the kids and I had our "bedtime snack" from the new selection of treats!!




In other news: Miss E had "Elegant Day" last week which included square-like dancing in gym and many other prim and proper etiquette lessons. It was very cute. On that same day they exchanged Valentines and had other special things going on too. Today they celebrated the 100th day of school. (I think it was technically a few days off, but no one is really counting). This morning I made 50 pancakes so each of the kids in her class could put two pancakes next to a sausage link to make a breakfast "100". Pretty nifty eh?!! Actually I made close to 70 since the fam ate a few and I stuck about 10 in the fridge for the rest of the week. There will hopefully be more to blog about later this week as Miss E is on Winter Break after tomorrow afternoon. Usually she goes in the afternoon, but tomorrow I have to have her to school by 8am. Seriously!! How do people do that?!?! I am SOOO not a morning person. I have an awful feeling I will sleep right through till after 8. Well...I guess thats my cue to go set my alarm before I forget. Goodnight!!

Because I'm so warped and twisted...

I couldn't resist....

This was formed from the dripping water off the roof. A reverse icicle. My kids thought it was really neat. I thought it looked like a phallic ice sculpture right by the front door. DH was embarrassed to have his friends see it. I tried to form snowballs around it, but alas, it was just not good packing snow.






Hey...I told you I was warped and twisted.

Spring tease...

The weather has warmed up just enough the past few days to melt quite a bit of the ice and snow. Although don't be fooled, its still a bit cold out there! I think its around 40* right now. Tomorrow however, is supposed to be in the FIFTIES!! The 50's people!! It hasn't been that warm here since...since...so long I can't remember. Probably early November. Last week we even had a small handful of days with bright happy sunshine!! Today is pretty cloudy ho-hum, but at least God is giving us a little taste of spring to keep us going....I just hope its not TOO long.

Oh that reminds me...the cat snuck out, when he realized the snow on the front porch was gone. I should probably go let him back in since its a bit chilly. I'm surprised he's not meowing out there. Here kitty, kitty....

I just downloaded a ton of pictures off BOTH my camera's so I'm hoping to get around to posting some later tonight (I might put them over in the photoblog too). Here's a sampler- the sun melting the icicles off the roof overhang.

My little girl is SIX today!!!

I've waited all night to post this at the time she was born. On Jan 30th 2003, my little girl was born at 1:50am. She was 6lbs 11oz and wide awake and healthy. It was such an amazing and wonderful feeling. Six years later I continue to be amazed at how much she grows and changes each day. The last year especially she has gotten so tall and her face so much more mature looking. She is amazingly beautiful, and I don't just say that because I'm biased. She has such a good heart as well. Even thought she sometimes struggles with difficult emotions for me to deal with as a mom, underneath I know most times she just wants more attention and to be reassured she is well loved. She is always excited to have "Girl Time" with me even if its only a few moments a day. Elise is into your pretty typical "girly" things right now; loves to have her nails painted, play with dolls and stuffed animals, etc...

At school she is thriving. I am floored, seriously in awe of how much she has learned and grown academically the past few months. She's gone from sounding out letters to truly reading. Its an amazing thing to hear her read aloud. It also really makes it hit home how fast she is growing up and changing. Its scary (for me). I feel like up to now she has been fairly safely under my wing, but she is starting to get brave and fly farther from home, experiencing more of the world and other people. I understand just a wee little bit of how veteran moms claim the worrying when they are truly little ones, is the easy part. Worrying when they are away or about how the "outside" world and people may affect them (or hurt them), is worse.

Well, I could ramble on about how guilty I feel that she has to go to a babysitter tonight (Friday) because both DH and I work, but it should be fine and we will celebrate earlier in the day and then on Sat too!! So I'm not gonna cry about it! Instead I'll post links to the cute things I bought her for her birthday presents.

I couldn't resist this PERFECT one:


And then this too (both are by Melissa & Doug):


And then this guitar. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but the kids will each get one as a Birthday present instead.


I hope she will feel special and have a great day!! And I will try to pretend that I'm not old enough to have a SIX year old. :)

OMG I have a blog...

I nearly forgot! Ok, ok, I didn't forget. I just never get around to updating and blogging on a regular basis. I think I'm just intimidated by all the "cool" blogs out there and feel lame to just come here and ramble about my ho-hum, nothing interesting days. That and I just lack the energy. When the kids are finally in bed, I'm usually on the couch, under a blanket zoning out to stupid television shows.

Lets see, whats new. A little over a week ago now, I took a road trip with my Dad and step-mom to see my step-brother Mike while he was in the hospital for 3.25 days getting his chemo. It was good to see him and spend time with the family. My sisters were there for one whole day too but then they ditched me (long story but they had to get back home). So all of Sunday and Monday, including the trip home I kinda felt like I was 12yrs old again, stuck hanging out with my parents with no hope of getting away. I should've used some of that time just sitting around the hospital room to blog, but my own laptop was not working so I was just borrowing my parents for quick FB and email checks. There was a good amount of driving back seat riding involved and I swear I had jet-lag like symptoms even though it was all car travel within the same time zone. I was hoping for a tad bit more vacation like fun included in my rare time away from the kids, but it turned out to be just pretty straightforward hotel-to-hospital-back to-hotel time. No stops for ANYTHING, not even a wine cooler. Sheesh!! But it was good, don't get me wrong.

It was AWESOME to see Mike doing so well and in relatively good health. He'll be going to Cleveland Clinic soon for stem-cell transplants and will need a LOT of prayers and good vibes to get through all this.

The kids are fantabulous. Tomorrow E has her very first school program. She is the *farmers wife* and her line is: "I suppose a Turnip souffle would bake up nicely". For the most part each kid has one line and I think they will sing a few songs and it will all be followed by cookies and juice. Fun times. I'm sure I'll have pics. I can't wait.

I think KJ got constipated last week for the first time in his life becuase I am SO.FREAKING.SICK of him crapping in his diaper. So...I MADE him go half nekkid cause I knew he had to poop....but he would.not.poop. He would beg and cry for a diaper. Its quite the ordeal. Evidently he had a huge blowout Saturday at the babysitters. Bwaahaahaa. Oops. I do feel bad actually. So we are onto another week of potty training madness. I'll keep ya posted.

Rollercoasting...

Thats how I feel my week to week life is anyway. I just wish everyone in my family would understand that. And I fear that I am just not as able to swing my rhythms back and forth like I could 6 years ago when I started this crazy weekend work schedule. And to think that for a long time I was working full time (three 12hr shifts), and now its just two. But I'm likening my weekends to a trip to Cedar Point.

On Fridays I get all packed up- my stuff and the kids and take off to the amusement park. I drive all over Timbuktu to get there and then check in, drop the kids off at the childrens area (aka: babysitters) and hit the big rides (aka: ICU) for my self and my "family" (aka: co-workers). I spend ALL day on my feet, sweating, barely taking a break to pee, eating lots of junk food to keep myself going since I barely slept the night before and I'm surrounded by the sights and smells of tasty food (aka: the stupid chocolate, cookies, pizza, etc... that often grace our unit curtousy of co-workers and pt's families). I get nauseous, but I keep on trucking, trudging along for the thrill. My adrenaline constantly surging and then dropping, leaving me even more drained. My legs are achy and like rubber at the end of the day, but I still have to make it back to the hotel where I wait for my hubby to finally take responsibility for the kidlets so I can catch a few hours of sleep-like 5hrs tops. Then I wake up to deal with hyper, overtired kiddos who are eager to go have more fun too. So we set out for day #2 at the park. Luckily I don't have to deal with them while I'm at the amusement park (aka: work). So the cycle starts over and I repeat everything for a second day, only to come back home and maybe get only 2-4 hours of sleep before I'm expected to be up and ready for family activities on day three. Perhaps even a big family reunion or two where I have to seem happy and cheerful and deal with my children with grace and careful attention. I drink lots of caffeine to keep myself awake and going. I therefore cannot fall asleep that night even though my exciting vacation weekend is over. I spend the next next several days trying to unpack, do laundry and get back on schedule. I don't really see hubby cause he works and sleeps opposite my schedule so no one is there to help me. By about Thursday I'm almost finally on track. Whew.

Then Friday comes and we leave for Cedar Point again and it all starts over. This repeats 48 out of 52 weeks a year......